Eclipse Of The Heart
by UndergroundValentine
Summary: Adam's home from Glam Nation, and Drake couldn't be happier about that. But... when did saying "no" become a bad thing?
1. Gonna Take It So High

Welp, here we are. Another collaboration between myself and my fanfic wife, HieitheFallen. This time we've taken a different approach. Since Drake always seems to be the bad guy in most every story, we decided (well, she did, actually) to make him the innocent, better man. As for the antagonist? You'll have to wait and see. Enjoy, glambabies!

Oh, btw: Hiei has Drake's POV and the odd chapters. I have Adam's POV and the even chapters. :3

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Chapter One: Gonna Take it So High****  
****Drake's POV**

"So, what's with the big grin, Drake?" Cassidy asked me once I'd clocked in for my shift at the coffee shop, Gourmet Cafe. I worked here with Brad. Cassidy and Tommy also had part time jobs here for some reason I never understood. Cassidy said it gave him inspiration for music and clothing. I didn't get it, but whatever kept his boat afloat. Tommy, I think, just wanted a taste of being normal since his life had been turned upside down when he met Adam.

"What do you mean?" I asked, smiling innocently. However, there was nothing innocent about last night. Adam had just returned from the Glam Nation tour and let's just say, he didn't let me sleep much last night. I'd been missing him so much… I couldn't even be mad at him for always touching Tommy and flirting with him on stage. Last night seemed to make up for all of that because he was with me and not Tommy. Tommy was straight. I accepted it, and I didn't believe there was anything going on between them anymore.

"Drake, you've got the biggest fucking grin of your life plastered on your face," Brad said, walking over to me after handing a customer her coffee. He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. "So spill."

I tried to keep myself from smiling more, but I couldn't hide it. Last night was just too amazing and these two were not going to leave me alone until I told them everything. "Last night was the first time since the tour started that I got to spend the night with Adam," I said, a glistening to my eye. "Do I really need to elaborate on that?" I continued. A mischievous smirk spread from Brad's right ear to Cassidy's left.

"Oh, so you had one of _those_ nights, huh? Was it good?" Brad asked. He was always excited to hear about other people's sex lives.

"I had sex with Adam fucking Lambert. Do you even need to ask if it was good?" I asked, smiling again. Memories of last night were still flooding through my mind. The way Adam held me. The way he called my name. The way he penetrated my being physically and mentally. My soul was like an open book to him for just one night. We'd never been so… so close.

Tommy, at some point, came out of the back room with more coffee beans. "With you three working here and Adam on stage, I think I might implode from gayness. I seriously don't know how to even deal with the gay anymore," he said, chuckling at his own joke. The rest of us raised eyebrows at him.

"Do you really expect us to believe you're straight, Mr. In the Closet Ratliff?" Brad teased, kissing Tommy's cheek. Despite the fact that Tommy always hung around gay men (Adam, Cassidy, Brad, myself), I was sure he was straight. I'd seem him get… pretty into kissing girls… Sure, he had fun giving the fans what they wanted on stage, but I don't think that he'd ever get down and dirty with another guy.

"Oh, just cause he looks gay, doesn't mean he is one. I mean, he hasn't even slept with Adam," Cassidy said and I gave him a bit of a weird look. I hated the idea of anyone being close to Adam like I was… Sorry, I was a bit jealous, mostly because Adam had a reputation for being a man whore… but I loved him…

I started making fresh coffee. "Come on guys. We do actually have a job to do," I said, trying to stay away from a conversation about Adam sleeping with other people. That was just… not something I would be able to deal with without getting upset or peeved. I was scared of losing Adam.

"Oh, yeah… Working does come with a job, I suppose," Brad said with a pout. He walked over to the glass case that held the cookies and cupcakes. He started putting fresh cookies out as Cassidy and I attended to customer's orders. Tommy was constantly trying to make fresh coffee because we were going through it like it was liquid fucking gold in a cup. We worked as swiftly as three gay men and one questionably gay man could but finally the morning rush died down.

Most people were at work and now we just had the occasional college student or business man come in for a cup of coffee. It was eleven and the shop was empty. We were all sitting on stools, talking about life but somehow last night kept popping up in the conversation. Cassidy and Brad really wanted to know about last night and even Tommy seemed to be a little interested. My face was flushed red with embarrassment when the bell that told us a customer had just arrived went off. Talk about saved by the bell…

I stood up to greet the customer but was shocked to find that Adam was standing on the opposite side of the counter. "Morning Babyboo," he said, smiling his pearly white smile at me. "I was wondering if I could get a special order?"

"You don't drink coffee, Ada-" I started to say. I knew was he was getting at, but I was already embarrassed and I didn't need that to grow any. However, he didn't even let me finish talking. He was leaning over the counter, his lips attacking him and his tongue lashing out. If my boss saw me like this, I'd be so fired…Good thing our boss didn't usually come in until after noon.

"Think you could take a break, Babyboo?" he muttered against my lips and I whined at the loss of the cinnamon taste he always had because of his toothpaste. He was allergic to mint, so naturally he used cinnamon (lawl, sorry. I had to do it, Wifey!). I glanced back at the other three, all of them looking sympathetic. Adam and I had been separated for a long time because of Glam Nation. Don't get me wrong, I was so happy for Adam. I was so proud of him, but I'd spent the entire tour feeling that Adam was leaving me for Tommy and when Adam came back to me, well that had just made me the happiest fucking person on earth. I wouldn't even have come into work today if I could have gotten off.

"Go on, we'll cover for you. Have a nice 'break' with your man," Cassidy said, smirking at us. I gave him a grateful smile and walked around to the other side of the counter. I took Adam's larger hand in mine and took him to the staff lounge in the back of the café. Once we were in the lounge, Adam locked the door and pushed me down onto one of the plush, white couches. He straddled my hips and his hands ran down my chest. His lips attacked my neck, sucking and biting on the hickys that were already there (I was just really good at hiding them).

"Ahh, Adam!" My hands slipped into his hair, pulling on it hard. "Ada-ah!" He smirked into my neck, biting down particularly hard. I wanted to scream in ecstasy but I couldn't. Not in the back of a fucking coffee shop. It was just not going to happen with people close enough to hear.

He pulled away from my neck, pushing my shirt up. I was still sore from last night and I was technically on business time, but at that moment, I didn't care. I was just happy (and just a little bit desperate) to be with Adam. "Just scream for me, baby," he cooed as his lips descended on an already hard nipple. I arched into his mouth, moaning. I knew he wanted me to scream with pleasure. He always got off on that, but I couldn't… Not here. "Why are you fighting it?" he asked, amusement plain in his tone, but he didn't let up on my nipple.

"Adam… I can't just scream back here. What if I got fired because I was… wasting company time?" I asked slowly, trying to keep my voice from cracking. It was close to that point already.

Ocean eyes met my plain, boring brown ones, but he was still working wonders on that little brown bud. "Why do you even need a job? I have more than enough means to keep you living the high life," he mumbled around the sucking of my nipple. I thought I might actually come in my pants just from his tongue gracing my skin.

"Well… with a job, I at least feel like I'm doing something, even if all I'm doing is serving coffee," I said honestly. I know Adam would rather have me stay at home so I could be there to satisfy every single one of his needs whenever he needed it. However, I couldn't do that. I couldn't just sit around a house all day mooching off of my boyfriend's riches. That seemed trashy and it would make me feel like a gold digger, which I so was not.

Adam smiled, pulling away from my nipple, leaving it harder than before and covered in his saliva, not that I minded. The air conditioned air against my nipple alone was enough to make me moan out. A devilish smirk crossed the glam singer's lips and he kissed me deeply, letting his fingers play with my exposed nipples. His fingers were so skilled, as I learned quickly when we first started dating. He'd once gotten me to come without touching anything between my legs. He was just a god… A sex god, but a god nevertheless.

I pulled on his hair again and he pulled back, rubbing his groin against mine. It wasn't until then that I realized what an awful aching was coming from in between my legs. "Adam…" I muttered, pushing my hips up.

He smirked again. "You want me to do you? Right here? Right now? How kinky," he muttered, playing with my belt. He got it undone a few seconds with those oh so skilled fingers of his. I wished I knew how he got to be like this, but then part of me said I didn't want to know the answer.

"No… Adam… I can't in here. We can't…" I muttered but I wanted to let him inside of me so badly… His hand slipped down the front of my pants, stroking me gently through my boxers. "Adam… seriously, we can't have sex here. What if someone hears us? Or my boss finds out?" I moaned, his fingers digging into my burning erection. "Adam…"

"What are you going to do? Just ignore your throbbing erection throughout the rest of the day?" he asked, but he still didn't look angry. He looked like he was determined to get my pants off and get in between my legs. "That's sure to bring in a lot of customers you don't want," he mused, that devilish smirk still sitting on his face.

He started pulling my pants down and I just could not bring myself to let him pull them off, so I spun out of his grasp, turning my hips enough to break his hold. "Baby… I can't… not here," I muttered, sitting up. I kissed him gently, and while he kissed me back, he seemed extremely disappointed with me. "Adam, please don't be like that. I get off in a few hours… then I'm all yours…" I added, pouting a little at him. He smiled reluctantly and kissed me goodbye, saying he loved me as he left. I quickly fixed my problem and washed my hands before I went back out to finish my shift. Brad had commented on how my short hair looked messy. I told him it always looked messy, but he insisted that it was not the same. Brad, you are just a little too strange for the world sometimes. I love you and all, but you're bizarre.

The last two hours of my shift dragged on and I started to form a bad migraine towards the end of it. By the time Adam came to pick me up (I'd walked this morning trying to fight off the pain in my hips and ass) my head was pounding everywhere but mostly right behind my eyes. I was seeing black spots flying in the corners of my vision, which happened whenever I got an intense migraine, which seemed to happen more and more often. I prayed it would lessen, because I knew Adam wanted to have sex. So did I, but if my headache kept up like this, I wouldn't be able to do it. Right now, I felt like my head would explode and sex would only make it that much worse.


	2. I Wanna Fucking Tear You Apart

**Chapter Two: I wanna fucking tear you apart**

**(Adam's POV)**

After spending months upon months of touring and playing and signing autographs and taking pictures and busing from one place to the next, was it so wrong of me to want to be with Drake? I mean, come on, he was my Babyboo. My lover, my little kitten, my spunky little angel, if you will. And since for months Tommy and I had been sexually tormenting the crowds with licks, kisses, hair pulls, ass slaps, and all kinds of shenanigans, the pent up need for a little bow chika bow wow was clawing at me. Tommy was straight, and I respected that, hence our being on different buses and in different hotels (I swear, the fans are the ones who believe and convince everyone that we share everything).

So, first night with my boo, and it was fucking phenomenal. I'd never thought someone could scream so loudly, but it only went to show that Drake was missing me as much as I'd missed him. And ooh, man, the way he was screaming and arching… I about lost it entirely. It was as if he'd set alight a sort of beast in me. Okay, that's a little (or, very) cliché, but that's how it felt last night. If I'd had my way, I would have seriously just fucked him senseless from dusk to dawn.

But he had to work today (well, yesterday it would have been tomorrow, but now I'm just confusing myself). He had to work. Which, I understand he wants to feel like he's contributing to the income, but I'm a fucking successful recording artist. But, my baby's independent. I admire that. But I was still miffed that, instead of being able to just fuck him senseless all night long and well into the morning (hurhur), I had to watch him get ready and go to work at eight.

However, that didn't stop me from paying him a visit at work. I saw Brad, Cass and Tommy behind the counter with him. They had prying faces. Judging by the glow I saw wrapped around Drake's being, they were probably asking him about last night. I smirked and Drake turned towards the front of the store, his eyes falling on me. They were shining the second he saw me. I leaned against the counter, grinning at him.

"Morning, Babyboo." I said. "I was wondering if I could get a special order." His eyebrows pulled together as he smiled, placing his hands on the counter.

"You don't drink coffee, Ada—" I'd cut him off with a kiss, shoving my tongue down his throat. He moaned, kissing back hard and dirty, the sloppy wet clicks of our mouths as the only sound in the air.

"Think you could take a break, Babyboo?" I whispered against his mouth, relishing in the sound of his whining at the loss of my tongue from his throat. Cassidy told him that they would cover, and I could have kissed my designer and musician friend. I pulled Drake towards the lounge room near the back of the shop. Needless to say, I was feeling the urge to just strip him and make him scream. I couldn't help it, the second my lips attacked his throat, he started moaning my name and acting like a pretty little needy kitty.

I pushed his shirt up, not quite over his head, but enough to expose his stomach and, more importantly, his nipples. "Just scream for me, baby." I told him before leaning down and sucking sweetly on one of his already hard buds. I nipped that bud, I sucked and I licked the shit out of it, but there was still no scream emitting itself from Drake's lips. I fought the frown pulling at my face, and I whispered against his skin.

"Why are you fighting it?" I asked, trying to sound more amused than disappointed. He said that he couldn't, that he would get fired for the noise and "wasting company time". I wanted to roll my eyes, but instead I kept sucking on his nipple. His skin tasted fantastic. Must've been the body wash he liked to use so much.

A few more minutes passed of my teasing and torturing his nipples, before I started playing with them with my fingers. I ravaged his mouth with my lips and my throat, kissing him deeply as he pulled at my hair. Shivers shot down my spine and blood rushed to my cock. I _loved it_ when he pulled my hair. It was like electricity. Sexual electricity, mind you. Like, uber sexual. Indescribable. But my half hard-on became completely erect at the pull; damn near close to aching, almost. God I loved it.

I rolled my hips into his, and he moaned, pushing his hips up to greet mine. I smirked, playing with his belt as I whispered in his ear. I managed to pry it away, tossing it to the floor. God, I wanted him. I wanted him so badly. If anyone were to knock on the door or try to come in, I would have fucking killed them for how badly I just wanted to push Drake against a wall and screw him. He told me to stop, saying he could get fired. I didn't care. I slipped my hand into his pants, my fingers wrapping around his cock. He moaned as I dug my fingertips a little harder in.

"What are you going to do? Just ignore your throbbing erection throughout the rest of the day?" I smirked while pulling his pants down. But he surprised me. He spun away, pulling out of my hold and pulling his pants back up. I frowned at him as he said that he couldn't. He kissed me gently, but I didn't return it with the same emotion he did. What? I was miffed. For the past several months, I'd pretty much gotten everything I wanted. Couldn't I get this too? My boo in a location not many people would expect?

"Adam, please don't be like that. I get off in a few hours… then I'm all yours…" He said. I smiled, but I didn't feel it, and I kissed him again. A soft 'I love you' was whispered into his mouth. He smiled at me as I turned and left. He needed to clean up and get back to work, I knew. I shut the door to the lounge and glanced over at the counter. Brad and Cassidy eyes me for a moment, a smirk tugging at their lips. Tommy was busy making some kind of a drink. I waved to them, blowing them kisses before heading out and back to my car.

The entire drive home, the whole scene in the lounge was playing over and over in my head. Why wouldn't Drake just… Let me…? I'm sure that the whole situation would have been fine. I probably could have just paid his manager bucko and get him his job back in the event he _was_ fired. But he seemed determined. He said no because he was so concerned about his job. I'm sure if I'd taken Brad to the back room he would have been totally fine with it…

I spent a few hours at the condo of which Drake and I shared in silence, sitting on the couch and staring at the floor. He was never one to reject me for anything. For _anything!_ And… I was shocked that he did. Shocked. Hurt. More shocked than anything mind you. But something in me said that… Drake needed a lesson. A lesson that he wouldn't forget. My heart pounded in my chest a little at the idea. Nothing damaging, just… Something that he could keep in mind for the future.

I was a damn near grinning fool when I got up to go pick him up from the coffee shop. What was it again? Gourmet Café, or something? Yeah. I drove, tapping my fingers to some GaGa tune before pulling into a parking spot right out front. I watched through the glass doors as Drake said goodbye. Cassidy gave him a kiss on the cheek and Brad slapped his ass. He smiled at them, punching out and walking to the car. He looked exhausted. A little pained. I turned the volume down on the stereo as he slipped into the car. He looked like a mess.

"Long day?" I asked, my voice sweet. He sighed, rubbing his temple.

"Teenage rush at three. You tell me." He said, but he smiled at me, however weak it might've been. I pulled out of the spot, my heart still pounding in my chest. My fingers itched to mark his skin…

"I'm sorry, Babyboo." I said as I drove down the streets, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his thigh. He reclined into his seat a little, closing his eyes. He was at peace like I'd never seen before, and I almost considered saving my lesson for him… But I mentally shook myself. No. He'd get it tonight.

No time at all, I was pulling under the cover of the condo. There was a little parking space with a rain cover. Drake had his own car, but I usually picked him up from work. He stirred from his slumber, groggily wiping his eyes and slipping out of the car. I climbed out and locked up, resting my hand in the small of his back as we walked up the path towards the front door. He seemed tired and relaxed, ready to drop at any moment. But that wasn't going to happen. My heart wouldn't stop pounding at the idea of digging my nails into his skin, biting him and hearing him scream.

I opened the door, following him inside and closing it behind us. I watched him kick off his shoes and peel off his apron from work. I slid my hands over his hips, my thumbs slipping into the waist band of his jeans. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, Babyboo…" I whispered in his ear, nipping the shell of his and breathing heavy. He moaned, his hands sliding over mine.

"Baby… I know… I know I promised you, but I've got a bitch of a headache right now—" I turned him, slamming his chest into the wall, grinding my hips into his ass. My hands slid under his shirt, my nails digging into his skin. He groaned, whimpering as I breathed heavily against his neck.

"I don't want excuses." I hissed, my heart thrashing. I could see his eyes widen and he tried to fight against me, but I pushed him harder into the wall. "I want your submission, is that clear?" I dug my nails deeper. "I want to hear you _scream_."


	3. Excuse Me, Did I Do Something Wrong?

**Chapter three: Excuse Me, Did I Do Something Wrong?****  
****Drake's POV**

The ride home was a little too quiet for Adam. He was usually always talking, but today he only said a few words to me. I didn't really notice while in the car because all I really wanted to do was relax and try to get rid of my migraine. By the time we got home, I'd fallen asleep with Adam's hand on my thigh. The car turning off startled me out of my slumber. The hum of the engine was what put me to sleep in the first place. Oh well, there's a bed inside that is a lot more comfortable than Adam's car. So I slipped out and let Adam lead me into the house with his hand on the small of my back. It was comforting and warm there, but I so was no up to having sex tonight… I just felt like shit right now. Maybe if I took some meds and took a nap, that would help. It wasn't too late. We could still have sex once I woke up…

"I'm going to make you feel so good, Babyboo," he whispered, his hands wrapping around my waist with the thumbs in the waistband on my black skinnies.

"Baby… I know… I know I promised you, but I've got a bitch of a headache right now-" I said, feeling horrible about breaking a promise. I thought Adam would be upset or disappointed, but I never in a million years dreamed Adam would do what he did. Suddenly I was facing the wall and I couldn't see him anyway. He slammed my chest into the wall and held me there. I tried fighting back, but I was a lot smaller than Adam.

"I don't want excuses," he hissed on my neck, shoving his hips into my ass and grinding. "I want your submission, is that clear? I want to hear you _scream_." His tone was low and almost cruel. He ground his hips into mine again, his hands returning to my waistband. Holy fuck, Adam! What the hell are you doing? Was he really going to force me to do what he wanted?

No… there had to be some sort of misunderstanding here. Maybe he just thought I was playing hard to get and he wanted something kinky? Sure, that made sense, right? Shut up. Yes it does. "Adam… Adam please… I'm sorry but I don't feel good…" I whimpered, trying to push myself away from the wall, but Adam was kind of in the way. I had nowhere to go. I waited for Adam to move, to get off of me, but he didn't. His hands undid my belt for the second time today and let it drop to the floor with a clank. My pants followed quickly and I wasn't wearing underwear. I now regretted that decision, but I hardly ever wore underwear with skinny jeans. "Adam, seriously. Please stop," I said, my voice growing a bit sturdier.

Instead of letting me off the wall, he forced me to my knees. His pants had been pushed down enough to reveal his throbbing erection. His fingers threaded through my hair and he forced my face into his crotch. "Obviously I wasn't very clear," he said, a frown tugging at his lips. There was no misunderstanding. He wanted sex earlier and I hadn't given it to him. Was he peeved about that? Because now he wasn't going to take any excuse for why I couldn't.

He forced his throbbing erection into my mouth, trusting in as much as I could take without puking. Sure, I'd sucked Adam off before. Normally it wasn't a big deal, but right now I didn't want to do this. And his thrusting was doing wonders for my migraine, just not good wonders. My head was pounding and I thought it might split in half like a scene from an awfully disgusting horror movie.

Adam's grip on my short hair was almost painful and every time he thrust into my mouth, I wanted to gag. Adam was just too big and I couldn't take so much of him… I was so relieved when he finally stopped. I coughed, trying to keep myself from getting sick, since my gag reflex was working in overdrive and I already didn't feel so hot when he started. "Am I clear now?" he asked, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me up onto my feet. He grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled it up over my head, dragging his nails up my back in the process, causing me to groan at the pain his nails caused.

"Adam…" I wanted to try reasoning with him, but I was afraid to. Before Glam Nation, Adam respected what I wanted and if I didn't want to have sex, even if he did, he didn't force me. Now I didn't know what to think. He seemed so determined to fuck me, whether I gave him permission or not… Oh God…

He growled at me and grabbed my upper arm, pulling me towards the living room and leaving my clothes discarded by the condo's front door. "I want you to scream, Drake," he repeated and it was obvious that he was going to get me to scream no matter what it took. He pushed me towards the sleek, modern-looking couch in the center of the room but he didn't let me sit or lay down. He forced me to bend over the backrest of the sofa (which was just short enough for me to bend over it without too much discomfort.

I didn't notice my eyes were watering until he started fingering me without any lubricant. I cried out, tears threatening to spill over their rims. I tried to push myself up, but Adam's let his free hand grip my hip, digging his nails into my sensitive skin. I bruised worse than a banana and Adam knew that… I cried out again, more in pain than anything else. I couldn't believe Adam was doing this to me and I could not bring myself to believe this was real. _This has to be some sort of sick nightmare… Adam would never do this to me…_

"That's it, Babyboo. Just scream for me," he cooed, pushing his third and fourth finger into me. It didn't feel good. In fact, I wanted him to stop because it hurt so much. Sex without some sort of lubricant just did not work. His fingers worked inside of me, and normally something that I would have fucking loved was causing so much pain.

"Adam…" I was afraid to say something to him, but I had to. He was hurting me and he wasn't going to stop, it seemed. "Adam, that hurts. Stop. Stop, you're hurting me," I said, trying to sound stronger than I felt, but that attempt failed miserably. He slammed my ass, hard, with his free hand and the sting forced a strangled scream from my throat. Tears finally leaked from my eyes.  
He fucked me with his fingers for a while and the entire time I was wondering if this was considered rape. None of what he was doing felt good, and my head was still pounding like a bitch, but my body, while in pain, had reacted the way Adam wanted. I was erect and throbbing. I was sure, if I could see Adam's face, he'd been wearing the devil's grin.

"You're such a good little kitten," he muttered. Kitten? Where the fuck did that come from? He'd never called me a kitten before… I heard the shuffling of clothing and a soft clank that could only be Adam's belt buckle hitting the floor. Sure enough, he guided the tip of his hard-on to my opening and I whimpered. I didn't want to have sex and honestly, Adam was really scaring me, but I couldn't fit back. I wasn't strong enough and I was in too much pain to do much.

"Adam…" I repeated for the tenth time that night. I couldn't form anything else because he never gave me the chance to talk. "Adam please…"

"I know you want it, Babyboo. I'm getting there," he said, holding my hip tightly in one hand and running his other hand slowly down my back as if I really was a kitten and he was petting me. He pushed himself into me slowly but it still hurt like a bitch. Absolutely no lube and I was sure I'd be bleeding by the end of the night… Every single thrust made me scream, but not because I was loving it, but because it was hurting so badly! I guess Adam couldn't really tell the difference because he got off on these screams just like he'd gotten off on the screams last night… I cried and screamed the entire time and when he finally came… I was so relieved to be done…

"You're so good, Kitten," he said, pulling out of me. I let myself fall into the couch because I simply could not hold myself up any longer. I could feel warm liquid running down my thighs and I was wondering if it was blood or Adam's semen, or both maybe. He didn't seem concerned. "I love you," he whispered, helping me stand up straight. He took me down to our bedroom and pushed me into the bed. I was hoping he'd let me sleep now… but something told me that wasn't going to happen.

And I was right. He handcuffed me to the headboard, mind you, I usually found that kinky as hell, but not tonight. The entire night he fucked me. He fucked me so hard I didn't think I'd be able to move in the morning. And every single time it hurt so badly. I screamed and cried until I just couldn't anymore and when Adam finally got off of me and laid down, the clock read five A.M. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything but let silent tears fall. Adam… Adam had been so forceful and he didn't even seem bother by what he'd done. He didn't think anything of what he was doing and seemed to either not know or not care that it was wrong.

Sleep did not grace me and when I looked over to see the clock read 7 A.M. I got out of bed and showered. I noticed crimson running down the drain, so I could only assume that Adam had forced blood. I felt sick to my stomach and I didn't feel up to going into work today but… I had to get away from Adam. I have no idea what had gotten into him but I couldn't stay here all day. I made sure I wasn't still bleeding, which I wasn't (thank God) and I popped about five pain killers. So I got dressed in a tee-shirt and skinny jeans (which were pretty much the only things in the house that were my size) and brushed my teeth and hair. I shaved my slight stubble and left the condo before Adam even woke up. I walked to work again, trying to clear my head but nothing was working.

Adam had… Adam forced me to have sex with him all night and he didn't even seem to care at all. I was scared for myself and for whatever was happening to Adam. I was so lost in thought; I forgot to clock in when I got to work. Cassidy and Brad both gave me concerned looks. "What's up?" Cass asked me, walking over to me. I shrank back some, not wanting to be touched by anyone. "What's the matter, Drake? You look like Hell broke loose and you didn't even clock in," he said.

"Huh? Oh… sorry I'm just out of it. Didn't get much sleep last night…" I muttered, turning back to the clock in box. What an understatement. 'Didn't get much sleep'. More like… didn't get any sleep because my boyfriend was horny enough to force me into sex all night.

"Long night with Adam, huh Baby?" Brad asked in his natural teasing tone. You have absolutely no idea Brad…

"Sort of…" I muttered, pulling my apron on and walking behind the counter. I wasn't going to tell them about last night but that didn't stop the occasional 'Are you sure you're alright?' or 'You really don't look good' or 'Drake, you're worrying me'. I was worrying myself and I was dreading seeing Adam later. I loved Adam. I still did but last night scared me so much. How was I supposed to deal with this?

We all ate lunch together but I didn't talk at all. Every time someone would get close to me, I would make more space and they all noticed. We had lunch late, only about an hour before I was supposed to get off and Adam was supposed to come get me… My stomach was doing flips about twenty minutes before I was supposed to get off. "Ugh, Cass… If Adam shows up just tell him I'll be out when I can. I… think I'm going to be sick," I muttered and quickly went to the staff lounge. I crossed to the bathrooms and got down on my knees in front of a toilet, throwing my lunch up into it. I was sure the others were worried sick but I just couldn't tell them. I stayed in the bathroom (that I did lock) for a long time. Even when I heard the others talking to a new voice, which I was sure belonged to Adam, I didn't get up. I felt too awful and I didn't want to see Adam or anyone really…

The staff lounge door opened and someone shuffled over to the bathroom. A soft knock came from the other side. "Drake? We're all worried… What's the matter? You're getting sick and Adam said he doesn't know why you'd be feeling so bad or acting so strange. He's worried about you too… Will you come out please?" It was Cassidy talking to me, but I didn't respond. They'd asked Adam if he knew why I'd be like this and he said he had no idea? For some reason that made me so angry but I didn't want to come out. Soon a second voice joined the first.

"Babyboo, please come out…" Adam said through the door. I froze and for a minute I thought I'd be sick again.. I shook my head as if they could see through the door but I didn't say anything else. I couldn't…


	4. I Felt So Ashamed, I Snapped

**Chapter Four: I felt so ashamed, I snapped**

**(Adam's POV)**

I was in a really good mood on my way to pick up Drake. Between the events of last night and the fact that I had a nice dinner planned for us, I was fucking ecstatic to see my Babyboo again. I had music playing, I was tapping my fingers on the steering wheel of the car and singing. Just… I was in a good mood. Okay, no. I was in a fucking great mood. Euphoric, blissful, delighted, joyous— or, for lack of a better word, I guess you could say I was feeling very, very gay (haha!)

I pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop. At first glance, it was pretty empty inside. I killed the engine and pulled the keys from the ignition. Grabbing my cell phone off of the passenger seat and slipped out of the car, closing it and locking it tight. Los Angeles. Bad place sometimes for fancy cars. I slipped my keys into my pocket, my phone in the opposite pocket as I climbed the curb and walked to the front door of the shop. Through the glass I didn't see anyone, but I saw Cassidy, Brad crowded together. Tommy wasn't there; he must've had the day off. But my concern wasn't with Tommy. Where was Drake?

I pulled the door open, the three men looking up over at me as the bell rung loudly. They all looked concerned, worried. My frown deepened further. What was going on? Where was Drake? I stepped closer towards them, my thumbs hooked into my pants pockets. "Hey— what's going on?"

"It's Drake— he came into work today and he just looked awful. Really sick and out of it. We asked him if he was okay and he insisted he was fine. But he just ran to the bathroom like… half an hour ago and he hasn't come out." Brad said softly. My eyes widened in shock and concern and I looked towards the staff lounge, which the door was wide open and showing the bathroom door, which was closed. I looked back over to Cassidy.

"Did he eat something for lunch that made him sick like this?" I asked. Cassidy sighed, running his fingers through his hair in the back.

"Adam, he looked like he's been wanting to throw up all day. Since he clocked in this morning." I bit down on my bottom lip, glancing back up to the bathroom door. Drake? My Babyboo was sick?

I watched Cassidy walk towards the bathroom, and I followed him. Brad stayed at the front of the shop, probably to handle any customers that might end up walking in. Cassidy knocked on the door, leaning close beside it as he spoke. "Drake? We're all worried… What's the matter? You're getting sick and Adam said he doesn't know why you'd be feeling so bad or acting so strange. He's worried about you too… Will you come out please?" There was silence from behind the door. I stepped up as Cass slipped away.

"Babyboo, please come out…" I said, unsure of how to get him out. I looked over to Cassidy, worry written on my face like I was an Etch-A-Sketch. He sighed, and shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, I can find some keys and get the door unlocked—?" I gnawed on my bottom lip a little, looking back to the door.

"Not yet." I told him. "Go ahead and close the lounge door, I'm gonna try an talk to him." Cassidy nodded once, before leaving and closing the lounge door. I turned back to the bathroom door, leaning against the frame and sighing softly. "Drake, baby… please come out? I'll take you home, tuck you in bed, get you some soup… Please, Babyboo, I'm worried about you."

Still, more silence. I chewed on my bottom lip again, wincing slightly. I was going to bruise my lip from all of this worry, I knew it. I ran my fingers through my hair, leaning against the door itself. My head was beginning to hurt, and I was sure that the more I chewed on my lip, the sooner I would cut it open and make it bleed. I slid my fingers over the wood of the door a little more, before curling them and knocking softly on it, hoping maybe that I could get his attention and have him come out.

"Drake… Babyboo…" The lock shifted and the door slid open slowly. I stepped back, dropping my hand from the door frame as Drake stepped out. He looked like hell. His face was pale, dark circles under his eyes. His breath was rancid from vomiting and he looked like he was about ready to collapse and just _die_. I stifled a worried gasp, cupping his face in one hand and the other feeling his forehead before my fingers ran through his hair.

"Baby…" I whispered, kissing his forehead. He leaned into my arms; a hot, sick mess.

"I need to go home…" He whispered into my shirt. I nodded once, looping my arm around his waist to help him. He was still in his apron and everything, but we would worry about that later. I needed to take him home and get him into bed so he could rest. I pulled open the lounge door, guiding him out through the coffee shop. There were a few customers, Cassidy and Brad behind the counter. The customers recognized me, gasped and looked as if they were ready to rush over for autographs. But the look on my face and the gentle shake of my head made them stop, and then they saw Drake. Sympathetic looks on their faces, and I pulled him out to my car, setting him in the passenger seat.

I rushed over to the driver's side, slipping inside. I didn't start it right away. I sat there with him in silence. He was breathing hard and he looked like he was about ready to cry. "Babyboo?" I reached over to run my fingers through his hair again and he flinched. I frowned at him. Why did he flinch?

"Babyboo, why are you upset?" I asked him. He didn't say anything. I sighed softly, starting the engine and pulling out from the parking spot. The drive was silent and a little… awkward, to say the least. The stereo was on, but it wasn't loud. I kept one hand on the wheel, the other on Drake's thigh. He felt tense underneath my palm. Why? Babyboo… What's wrong?

Streets and buildings were passed. I didn't even realize that we were at the condo until the car was parked. I sighed softly, killing the engine and pocketing my keys, slipping out and closing my door. Drake was stepping out and closing the door, keeping his arms around his stomach. He looked like he was going to be sick again. I frowned, sighing again and following him to the front door of the condo. I unlocked the door and pushed the door open, guiding him inside. He stumbled a little, pulling his apron off over his head and tossing it aside.

I followed close behind him as he kicked off his shoes, collapsing to the couch. I frowned at him. "Baby? Do you wanna go to bed?" I asked him. He shook his head weakly, curling up. I rushed to our bedroom on the other end of the condo, plucking a pillow and a blanket off the bed and walking back to the living room. I tucked the pillow beneath his head, draping the blanket over him. I kissed his forehead, and his lower lip twitched, almost downward in a grimace. Maybe it was my imagination. I brushed his hair out of his face, before standing straight and heading to the kitchen.

I opened the cabinets, searching for a moment before setting my eyes on a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. I smiled to myself, pulling it down from the shelf and setting it on the counter. Grabbing a package of saltine crackers, I set those down beside the can before pulling a pot from a lower cabinet. I turned on the stove, setting it to high before pulling on the tab of the lid of the can, removing it and dumping the soup into the pot.

What had caused Drake to be so sick all of a sudden? What had made my Babyboo so— I didn't even know. He'd been acting off since yesterday. I'd hoped that maybe… Maybe last night would have helped? He was just being hard to get after all. He promised me. And… I turned, opening a drawer and pulling out a wooden spoon, stirring the soup slowly, gnawing, again, on my bottom lip.

Maybe I'd been too forceful last night? But… I couldn't help myself. My little kitten was so adorable, so… so _fuckable_. I couldn't resist him. And the way he would _scream_ just drove me insane with pleasure. I shivered just thinking about it. I could still feel the sensations… Tight and hot… Trembles rolled down my spine and I licked my lips a little, my mouth feeling dry. No. I couldn't be having these thoughts right now. Not when my Babyboo was sick.

Ten minutes and the soup was ready. I poured it into a glass bowl, slipping a spoon into it. I put the crackers on a plate, carrying them steadily out to the living room. Drake looked like he was ass out, but when I set the food down on the table, his eyes fluttered open. He wasn't a very heavy sleeper. Or maybe he wasn't asleep to begin with? But he looked so exhausted. He had to have been asleep.

"Hey, Boo." I said, shortening his nickname for him a little, a smile touching my lips. He looked at me and smiled weakly. My heart lurched in my chest, and I wanted to just hold him. "I made you some soup. I figured, after you're done eating, you could take a bath and go to bed? Get some rest?" I suggested. His eyes were blank for a moment as he sat up, but they cleared and he nodded once.

He ate slowly. While he did, I went back to the kitchen, plucking a bottle of wine from one of the cabinets and a glass from another. I poured myself a hearty amount, before placing the bottle back in its spot. I leaned against the counter, the glass in one hand, the other shoved deeply into my pocket as I drank. I didn't drink wine often, only when I was stressed, really. You're probably wondering why I'm stressed? From worrying about Drake today, from the show being over… That was the main reason; the show.

Between the constant touring, the loss of Tommy's father, Longineu leaving the band, and the fact that I had another album in the works for the future… There was so much to do. I had taken for granted before the effects of the music industry. Some days, I missed being in the Idol mansion and on the show, where you did one song a week. Sometimes two, depending on how far you made it. But I missed the simplicity of everything.

I took another large gulp, sighing softly. Tommy and I had gotten pretty close on the tour. I remembered all the times I had pulled or ruffled his hair, tasted those sinful lips… For being straight, he was a damn good kisser. And my dancers— Sasha, Brooke, Taylor, and Terrance— there were so many good moments, birthdays and memories. I missed it, but I was glad I was home.

I'd finished my glass of wine when I heard Drake shuffling towards the kitchen, the half full bowl of soup in his hands. I frowned slightly. "I couldn't finish, I'm sorry…" He said softly. My heart melted, and I took the bowl from his hands. I kissed his forehead again.

"It's alright, Babyboo. Go take a bath. When you're done, I'll tuck you into bed, okay?" I said. He nodded once, turning away and heading to the bathroom. I was rinsing out his bowl and my glass when I heard him say my name. I looked over at him. His face was passive, worried and upset.

"What is it, Boo?"

"About… last night—" he paused.

"Yeah?" I stopped the water, drying off my hands. He looked away for a moment, before shaking his head.

"Never mind." I walked towards him, my face pulling into worry.

"No, what is it, Drake?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched again, and I pulled away. Why did he keep flinching every time I touched him? Babyboo?

"I just… nothing, Adam." He said, turning away again.

"Drake—"

"I didn't… like it." He said, his voice so, so soft. My heart stopped for a moment in my chest, and I inhaled slowly.

"What?" He turned to me.

"I said… I didn't like it… I'm so—" I blacked out. For a moment I lost sense of myself, but when I blinked, I felt incredible rage running through my system. And I saw Drake leaning against the wall, one hand holding himself up the other on his cheek, which was turning a bright pink. I breathed heavily, before blinking a few times. I… I hit him? What—? He turned away, heading towards the bathroom and stifling what sounded like sobs. Drake—

Babyboo…


	5. Baby, You Know That

**Chapter Five: Baby You Know That…****  
****Drake's POV**

Tears blurred my vision as I stumbled into the bathroom. My cheek stung, but what had just happened didn't register for a while. Adam could not have just hit me… It just wasn't possible. Not my sweet, loving Adam. He was so important to me that I was willing to wait for all of his tour to be with him again and he…

_Drake, Adam hit you. He fucking slapped you across the face and you know what? He raped you last night too!_ Sometimes I really hated the voice of reason in the back of my head.

No… Adam didn't rape me.

_He did. He did rape you... and he hit you too._

No.

_Yes!_

NO!

… Yes… Adam had forced me into having sex with him last night and that was rape. And he did just hit me a few moments ago. He hit me because I told him I didn't like being raped. I never used the word rape, but that's what had happened and now my cheek was stinging from that painful slap.

Was my angel, my perfect boyfriend, turning into a monster?

I fell to my knees next to the toilet and my soup soon returned into the polished white bowl. I couldn't keep it down. My stomach was in knots from this new realization. I didn't want to believe any of this was actually happening, but how could I just continue to deny it? When I thought about telling Adam that I didn't like what we did last night, I imagined he'd be upset by it, maybe a little hurt and a little ashamed of what he had done. But this? This was completely unexpected and out of line. He _slapped_ hard enough to throw me against a wall because I was honest with him. I spent the whole day telling myself last night was a misunderstanding, but what now? What was I supposed to believe now that he actually hit me? That was not a misunderstanding…

The toilet flushed just as a knock from the door rang out. It was Adam, of course, trying to apologize. "Baby… God, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to do that, Kitten. I would never hurt you on purpose… I really don't know what happened back there but please… Please come to bed. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. Whatever you want, Kitten, it's yours," he was saying, though his voice was breaking off every once in a while. Sounds of light sobs came through the door but I couldn't say I really felt bad for Adam…

"Anything, baby, you name it. I'll get it for you, Kitten," he said again. I cringed at the name 'Kitten'. Normally something like that would have been fucking adorable, but he called me that when he was raping me last night… Now every time I heard that, I would think of last night and this night as well.

"Anything…" he muttered miserably after several long minutes of silence. Sorry Adam, but material possessions that you could buy me just wouldn't make up for what you've already done…

Adam tried to get me out of the bathroom for what I thought was about two and a half hours before he finally took the hint from my silence. I refused to speak the entire time, and I finally heard a sad, yet agitated grunt from the other side of the door and then footsteps, followed by the slamming of a wooden door. The door to our bedroom, I was sure. The bathroom door remained unmoved for another hour. I didn't dare leave the safety of this room until I was sure Adam was asleep.

Once I felt safe enough and just a little bit brave, I unlocked the door and went to the living room, where I laid down on the couch. Sleep didn't really come. I drifted in and out of nightmares that mostly left me cowering in the darkness but when the sun came up, I was up. I swallowed a good portion of the pills in the Aleve bottle place in the medicine cabinet of the bathroom. A quick shower was also in order, and I left the condo as soon as I could, before Adam even woke up (which really wasn't unusual at all).

But today was unusual. Instead of walking, like I'd often do in the morning because it helped wake me up for the new day, I took my car. I'd been neglecting my car for quite a while, but if my car wasn't at the condo, Adam wouldn't come pick me up and maybe, just maybe, I could keep my space from him a little more today. The drive was quick. Much quicker than my usual walk, so I go there early, but it didn't matter. My three coworkers were there as well as a few customers. So I clocked in a little early and went behind the counter to start helping.

I got a lot of weird looks from customers and I was sure I probably just didn't look as healthy or 'spunky' as usual, but I nearly dropped a hot cup of coffee when I heard Brad gasp (loudly). "Oh my fucking God, Drake, what the Hell is wrong with your face?" he exclaimed, marching over to me.

Blinking in confusion, I was sure my eyes glazed over. "What do you mean?" I asked, fearful of the answer.

Cassidy was now standing next to Brad, leaving only Tommy to deal with the annoyed and impatient customers. "You look like you've been hit, hard," Cassidy said, frowning at me. "Did something happen yesterday? Like, did someone rough you up when you were on your way to work?" This was LA after all. It wasn't unusual for people who walked to get jumped, and that would certainly explain my behavior, the apparent bruise I had, and my reason for driving my car today (which Cassidy had been eyeing for a few seconds, mind you). I frowned a little, making my face look ashamed. It was a good cover. I just… I just couldn't bring myself to tell them about Adam. Adam used to be so good, and to them he still was. I was hoping the same would be true for me in the future too…

_Stop. Adam still loves you… There's just something you two need to work out or something…_ I'd been trying to convince myself of that all night. So far, it hadn't really sunken in.

"Yeah… but please don't tell anyone… Not even Adam. It's… It's embarrassing, you know? I told Adam I fell and that's why I have this bruise and he seemed to believe it. I just want to forget it happened and move on…" I mumbled. Cassidy and Brad both frowned, but seemed to accept it. Not that they really had much choice. That's when our boss came up (wow he was here early) and scowled us for not taking care of customer needs. We all sighed and got back to work before we got in any more trouble.

The entire work day seemed too short. I even worked a few extra hours with Tommy just so I could avoid going home. Tommy kept giving me skeptical looks like he knew I was lying about everything. I hated lying. Every time I did a piece of me died, but how could I tell them the truth? Eventually my boss made me leave and I was forced to go home. If I just didn't show up tonight, that might cause Adam to lash out again and I certainly didn't want that… Not again.

So slowly, but surely, I drove back to mine and Adam's condo. Adam's car was still parked in its normal spot, so he had to have been home. Adam was never one for walking around LA. I was hesitant to get out of the car and up to the door but I did after a few minutes and I slipped inside, taking my apron off and kicking my shoes to the side.

"Where've you been, Boo?" he asked, his voice soft. I couldn't tell any emotion from it and suddenly I was afraid of my perfect, loving boyfriend. He sat on the beautifully sleek couch with his back to me. His arms seemed to be folded in front of him.

"I had to work a couple extra hours. We… had a big, unexpected rush tonight," I tried to explain, hoping my excuse sounded possible and reasonable. I didn't want Adam to get mad at me again because I didn't want to be hurt again. I was now afraid in my own home and somewhat terrified of my boyfriend.

"Oh, I thought something like that might have come up," he said, compassion and love filling his still soft tone. I couldn't even keep up with Adam's moods anymore. They were shifting far too much.

Adam stood from the couch, his arms still folded in front of him. He turned towards me and walked over to the doorway, a small golden-brownish puppy lay sleeping in his arms. The puppy was completely adorable but where had he come from? I looked from the little fur ball to Adam's smiling face. In his ocean eyes I could see love, compassion and if I wasn't mistaken, just a bit of regret and hurt. "Adam?" I asked.

The raven haired man closed the last bit of distance between us and shifted the pup into my arms. The baby instantly snuggled into my chest, trying to get more comfortable. I was watching him curl up against me, so when Adam touched my bruised cheek, I jumped back a little, earning myself a big fat frown. "Drake…" he whispered, putting his hand gently against the bruise. The pads of his fingers trailed over the sensitive skin and he frowned further. "I… I can't believe I did this to you. Baby, I'm so sorry…" he said quietly, closing his eyes for a moment as if he was trying to compose himself. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Last night was awful because I knew how much I'd hurt you with the smack and the… night before. Babyboo…" Tears glistened in Adam's eyes and I almost expected him to start crying right then and there.

"I went out for a walk today, trying to clear my head and think of anything I could do to make things up to you. I ended up like twenty blocks away and saw this little guy in the window of a pet shop. He just… he reminded me of you because he's so cute, so sweet… So completely pure and innocent," Adam continued but he stopped for a moment, just looking at me and more importantly the bruise he'd formed on my cheek. "Babyboo…"

"So, the dog is like a bribe for me not to be mad?" I blurted out before I could really stop myself.

Shock and more pain crossed his face. "No… he's just cute. I hoped you would like him, is all. Baby, I know it's going to take so much more to make things up to you. I won't shower you in gift. I don't want to buy forgiveness… but I don't want to lose you either," he said, cupping my non-bruised cheek in his other hand.

"Adam… I still love you. That probably won't change, but you're scaring me. You've never touched me like that before… and you've never been so… forceful…" I mumbled, almost expecting him to hit me again. He didn't. The blow never came, instead he kissed me gently and as much as I wanted to pull away, I melted into that kiss.

"I don't know what got into me last night. And… about the sex… I didn't realize I was being so forceful. I just… thought you were being hard to get is all… I… next time, if you say stop, I'll stop, I promise. I swear, I won't hurt you again. I've been beating myself up since the second I hit you. It was like I didn't even know what happened. One minute you were standing there with me and the next you were against the wall holding your cheek…" He whispered, almost like he was a man on trial for a crime he was clearly guilty of. "I'm not asking you to just forgive me, just… please don't leave me, Babyboo. I don't want to lose you."

All the while, the little puppy, who was some sort of cross between a fox and a Pomeranian, was curled in my arms, his little head pressed right over my heart. In a lot of ways, this puppy reminded me of Adam. He was adorable, and while he wasn't black, he was sweet and innocent, just like _my_ Adam was. I believed that Adam was still here somewhere… No matter how upset or scared I was, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave Adam. He was just too important to me, like he was part of me.

"Promise me it won't happen again?" I asked, letting my eyes fixate on his. His face was sad, stern and serious but once our eyes met, a crack of a smile spread across his face.

"Promise, swear, anything baby. Just for you to know that I love you and I won't hurt you again," he said quietly, hope spreading across his features. He was breathtakingly beautiful and my heart swelled slightly at the sight of him.

I walked over to the couch, sitting with the puppy still in my arms. "Then I'm not going anywhere," I said softly over my shoulder. I could have sworn I saw him bounce a little as he walked over to me and took a seat next to us, draping an arm around my shoulders. I couldn't help but feel like we were new parents with a brand new baby home for the first time after a long, hard pregnancy. Not that I would know what pregnancy was like or anything…. "So, does he have a name?" I asked, actually laying my head down on Adam's shoulder like nothing bad had happened between us.

A radiant smile lit up his face and I couldn't help the smile that spread across mine. "Snickers. He ate a snickers bar when I bought him earlier and it was cute. He had melted chocolate on his nose," he said.

"Adam… you can't feed a dog chocolate. It's like poison for them," I said, letting one of my hands pet the puppy gently so I didn't wake him up. He was just too precious like this.

"Well… at least he would die happy," Adam said and I frowned up at the glam rock star. "Okay, okay. I won't feed him chocolate, but he found it on the ground and it was cute," he said, giggling like an angel.


	6. Stop Studying Strife

**Chapter Six: Stop studying strife**

**(Adam's POV)**

I slipped into my car, slamming the door shut and starting the engine. This just fucking figured, didn't it? I get barely any time off from the tour and everything, and now Monte tells me that we have to start preparation on another album, another promo tour… I hadn't even been home for two weeks! I was really hoping to get the chance to spend more time catching up with family and with Drake…

Drake… Fuck. Things had not been the best between us lately, and that was just adding to my stress. I sighed heavily, rolling down the streets. The sky darkened with clouds and I groaned. Great, it was going to rain today, too? I like the rain, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it just makes my mood even worse. I reached over and turned on the radio, hoping for something that would clear my mood just a little—

_Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I have to get out and cry…_ Dear Bonnie Tyler, I love your music greatly, but your song is _not_ helping.

I groaned, reaching over and changing the channel of the radio. Smokey's _Tracks Of My Tears_. I remember singing it on Idol. I love that song, but no. I changed it again. Still unsatisfactory. What the fuck was this all about today? Songs To Cut Your Wrists To? Fuck! Eventually, I just turned off the stereo entirely, driving in silence as rain began to splatter down on the windshield. I sighed heavily, stopping behind a train of cars. Fucking traffic. Fucking Monte. Fucking tours.

My hands gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles stretching white. I just wanted to drive and get the hell home, was that too much to ask for? I rested my head against the back of my seat, applying a little bit of gas as the train moved forward, but it wasn't much of a distance. A whopping ten feet, actually. A car length. Fuck, this was taking forever. And I shouldn't have been surprised, considering this _is_ Los Angeles, for crying out fucking loud. My phone buzzed on the seat next to me, and I glanced over before picking it up. I didn't even bother to see who was calling. I pressed the TALK button and held it to my ear.

"Hello?" Okay, so my voice was on the harsh side of polite, but I was pissed with today.

"Whoa, take a chill pill, Adam." It's Tommy. I sighed again, rubbing my right eye before placing my hand back on the steering wheel. My left elbow rested on the edge of the window of my door, my hand pressing my phone against my ear.

"Sorry, I'm just… Tired." I told him. I could feel the beginning pangs of a headache forming between my eyes, and I sighed for what seemed like the billionth time. Tommy huffed on the other end of the line.

"Is that all?" He asked, and I rolled my eyes as my car came to yet another stop in traffic. I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from snapping. Tommy didn't deserve my frustration. He didn't deserve to be yelled at. My right hand squeezed the wheel before relaxing again.

"Yeah." I lied.

"Hmm. I'm just calling to let you know that Brad's taking Drake home. Car stalled in the parking lot and won't start. Cass is calling in a tow truck to come get it and take it to a shop." My fingers clenched around my phone and I swallowed the lump of stress back down to my stomach.

"Great." I said, a bitter edge to my tone. Just perfect. Meeting didn't go well, it's starting to rain and now Tommy tells me that Drake's car won't fucking start.

"It's probably just needs new oil or a small part change. Cass says he'll take care of it. And… I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the meeting today. Boss wouldn't let me out, and we had an afternoon rush before the rain hit." I was rolling forward again, increasing at a steady speed of twenty to thirty miles per hour as Tommy spoke.

"It's fine. Nothing really important anyway." I said with a soft breath. My headache was beginning to worsen itself as I drove. I could tell that I would be needing to get home and drink a glass of wine before crashing in my room. The idea of being up and around was beginning to sound like torture. Noise was becoming torture.

"You sure?" Tommy asked, though he sounded distracted.

"Positive. Look, I gotta go. I'm gonna be home soon, and I've got a bitch of a headache right now. I'll talk to you later, okay?" I chipped, taking in a deep breath and turning the wheel, peeling off from the highway and taking the ramp down towards my general neighborhood.

"Mmkay. See ya, Adam."

"Bye." I hung up, tossing my phone back to the passenger seat again. I drove down off the ramp and turned right, heading down the main street towards the twists and turns. My condo was more or less located between Hollywood and Los Angeles, but it was still considered part of the Los Angeles residential area. Not that it really mattered.

By the time I pulled into the parking spot of the condo, my head was beginning to pound. I growled, killing the engine before grabbing my phone and my keys, slipping out and locking up the doors. I walked out, uncaring of the rain splashing down and soaking into my coat and my hair. It actually felt kind of nice to stand in the rain, but my feet kept dragging me forward towards the cover of the condo. I climbed the few steps before opening the door and slipping inside.

Drake was on the floor, playing with Snickers. It was cute, and I smiled, but it was half-assed because of my headache. I shut the door, kicking off my shoes and shrugging out of my coat, tossing it onto the back of the couch. Drake looked up at me with wide, brown eyes and he smiled sweetly. "Hey baby." He said.

"Heard your car won't start." He frowned. "Tommy told me." Drake nodded once, looking guilty.

"Yeah. Tried getting the damn thing to work so I could leave, and it just wouldn't start. Sorry, baby." He said. I shrugged. He had nothing to apologize for. I rubbed the back of my neck before crossing into the kitchen. I opened a cabinet and reached up, pulling a bottle of wine down from a small rack along with a glass. I popped the cork out, pouring a hearty amount before shoving the cork back in and setting the bottle back into its place. I took a long drink, feeling the wine sting my tongue and slide down my throat. Delicious.

"So how was the meeting today?" Drake asked from the living room. I swallowed another gulp of my wine before sighing and leaning against the counter.

"Could have been better." I told him, staring blankly across the kitchen with the glass of wine already half empty in my hands. I shifted my gaze, staring down into it for a moment before taking a sip. Now that my headache was beginning to subside, I could actually enjoy my wine. I heard a shift in the living room and Drake came in with Snickers at his heels.

"Is everything okay, Adam?" Drake asked, concern touching his voice. I took another slow, small drink of my wine before setting the glass down on the counter. The pounding had lessened considerably, but my head wouldn't stop wrapping around today's meeting. I didn't want to go in and start working on another album right away. I wanted a little more time off. I wanted to enjoy myself away from the band and the dancers. I fucking love them, don't misunderstand. But…

"Adam?" He frowned, looking at me a little more closely. I took another drink of my wine, half tempted to grab the bottle and pour myself another glass.

"What?" I hissed, wanting to curl into a ball and just go to sleep. The pressure in my head was beginning to come back along with the dull ache, probably a side effect from the wine. I probably could have been nicer about responding to him, but my head was hurting and I just wanted to finish my wine and go take a goddamn nap…

"You're tense, I'm just worried about you." I inhaled slowly and swallowed the last of my wine, setting the glass down on the counter and crossing towards the dining room and living room. I pressed my hand into the wall, kicking off my shoes as Snickers trotted over to me, rubbing against my legs. I smiled down at him. He was so cute.

"I'm fine, Drake. I just need to lay down for a little while. My head hurts." I told him flatly after successfully removing my shoes. I turned, seeing him still standing in the kitchen.

"Why does your head hurt? Are you feeling okay?" I sighed.

"I'm fine." I snapped. I heard Snickers whine behind me; he didn't like my tone of voice, and by the look on Drake's face he didn't either.

"I'm sorry, it's been a long day." I told him, heading towards our bedroom. His hand caught my arm, making me stop. I turned my head as he wrapped his arms around my waist and he rested his head between my shoulder blades. I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to breathe normally and not pry him off. I just wanted to lay down.

"Do you wanna talk about it, baby?" I grabbed his hands and unlatched them from my shirt.

"No." I growled, and he caught my arm again.

"Adam, what's wrong with you?" His voice was hurt and I pulled out of his grasp again. Can I do something I wanna do for once? Please?

"Nothing, I'm fine." I told him, walking down towards the bedroom.

"Adam!" I stopped, turning towards him. His face was twisted into confusion and hurt, his eyes shining. Oh God, please tell me he wasn't about to start crying. My heart clenched and I sighed, trying to calm down. The headache was back with full, raging force, pounding between my ears and my eyes. The kitchen seemed too bright, the sound of my breath seemed too loud. Everything was beginning to hurt my head…

"What, Drake?" I shouted at him. He dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment before looking back up at me.

"I just wanted to help. I thought maybe if we talked, I'd be able to—" I chuckled.

"There's nothing you can do, Drake. It doesn't involved you." I hissed at him. Suddenly, I didn't even want to be here. I shook my head again and charged passed him, shoving my feet back into my shoes. Snickers was curled up at the foot of the couch with his ears planted down around his head. He looked so sad, like he was trying to shy away from the argument and block it out all the same.

"Then you could have just told me that, Adam. You didn't have to shout at me." He said softly.

"You were the one prying into my business, Drake!" I said, turning my head slightly, but I didn't face him. Once my shoes were comfortably on, I turned and stormed through towards the living room. I heard footsteps and I knew Drake followed me.

"Adam, I'm just concerned! You're the one shouting and getting mad at me—" I never thought I would go back on a promise. I never thought I would hurt him again, but I did. I was just so fed up with arguing and touring and making music and everything and everyone was getting on my case. True, the wine probably hadn't helped like I was hoping. But… I snapped.

I turned on my heel, my palm lashing across Drake's face, exact same side as the last time I'd hit him. This time he didn't fall though. He stumbled slightly, tears spilling down his cheeks as he looked up at me again. Between feeling ashamed at myself and seeing his tears, I bit my lip and shoved him, wanting to get away. But that didn't stop me from seeing him fall and crash against the leg of the dining room table, objects clattering and falling off the sides. Like the flower vase that was, unfortunately, sitting on the edge of the table. It teetered and fell, smashing on the hardwood floor of the dining room.

Snickers yelped, barking once at me before racing across the floor towards Drake. I bit down on my bottom lip, snatching my jacket off of the back of the couch and ripping the door open, slamming it shut behind me. I couldn't stay. Not when I'd hurt Drake again. Not when I'd broken my promise. Fuck, I was such an idiot. And a liar. I'd hurt him…

I wouldn't have blamed him if he never forgave me for it…


	7. So Filthy, So Dirty, So Fucked Up

**Chapter Seven: If You Feel So Filthy, So Dirty, So Fucked Up****  
****Drake's POV**

The last week had been better between Adam and I. We'd had a few nights of passion. No arguments, no shouting or fighting whatsoever. Best of all, no hitting and no getting forced to have sex that I really didn't even want to have in the first place. Adam seemed to be fine and I really believed he wasn't going to break his promise. We seemed to be that perfect, loving gay couple again. That is, until he game home from the band meeting.

He seemed to be in a sour mood. Fine, something he wasn't happy about happened, but he wouldn't talk to me. In fact, he got really angry with me and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Lovers are supposed to help each other, right? I tried… he yelled. I tried again… and I ended up flat on my ass with broken china and a vase littered around me with a little puppy on my lap, licking my face to see if I was alright while tears cascaded down my cheeks. I could already feel the new bruise forming on my cheek, and I knew things hadn't really gotten better at all. In fact, I was sure everything was just getting worse.

I needed to tell someone…

If Adam really was turning into an abusive partner, and I didn't for a minute want to believe that was the case, I had to get help. But who could I tell? Obviously not the police. No matter how bad things got, I still loved Adam. I wouldn't send him to jail. My parents? No, they wouldn't care. They'd probably tell me I deserved this for being a faggot in the first place. So who did that leave? My friends. Brad, Cassidy and Tommy. The only problem was, they were Adam's friends too. How was I supposed to turn them against one of their closest and most important friends? I couldn't do that…

_But you need to. There isn't anyone else for you to tell and you need help, Drake. You can't just stay quiet about all of this. If you do, Adam might seriously hurt you. Think about yourself over him._Thank you oh Great Voice of Reason Inside My Head. I really needed to think that my psycho boyfriend was going to hurt me in such a horrible fashion… _He's already raped you and he's already hit you twice, once pushing you into a table._ More tears fell from my tear and dog-saliva covered face and Snickers whimpered, pushing his head against the underside of my jaw. Poor puppy had to deal with so much drama in his life. And dogs have easy lives? Says who?

"Get down, Snickers. Daddy needs to get up," I cooed. The puppy only stared at me, wagging his tail slowly. "Come on, Snickers," I mumbled, putting the dog safely down on the floor where there was no broken glass, so he didn't get hurt while I tried to get up. Though, as I got up, my right hand was sliced into by several pieces of broken glass on the floor and I whimpered, crying out in pain. Snickers barked, and I could have sworn he looked worried…

Bleeding hand now limp at my side, I picked up the phone on the kitchen counter and called Tommy, who picked up after three and a half rings. "Hello?" he said into the phone, sounding slightly dazed. Maybe he didn't know our home line? We hardly ever used it.

"Tommy, it's Drake. Listen… something… something bad just happened with me and Adam and I was really hoping you could come pick me up from the condo? I really need to talk to you, Brad and Cass…" I said, surely sounding desperate. God did I feel fucking desperate right now.

"Shit… I'll be right over. Hang tight," Tommy said, hanging up the phone before I even got to thank him. By the time he reached the condo, I was rinsing my bloody hand off in the sink, trying to get shards of glass out of the small and large cuts. Tommy knocked and I beckoned him in without moving from my spot.

"Drake? Drake, what happen—" His voiced faded as he stepped into the kitchen, looking at the shattered remains of everything that was on the kitchen table that now lay in ruins on the floor. "Shit." He came over to me, looking at my bloody hand and then my cheek. Fuck! There couldn't really be a bruise there already? "Let's wrap that up… we can get someone to look at it for you…" He mumbled. I was kind of glad he didn't push for any answers right away.

He found gauze in the bathroom medicine cabinet and was wrapping it securely but not to secure around my entire hand. "I already called Cass who, of course, was with Brad already. Cass said to go over to his place. We can all talk there, kay?" Tommy asked, looking up at me through a veil of blond hair.

"Okay," I said, shaking slightly as Tommy pulled me towards the front of the condo. I heard a soft whimper from behind me and frowned. "Hang on a second." I turned, going to retrieve Snickers before we left. The puppy had stepped on a small piece of glass and was now whimpering in pain. Poor pooch. I took the glass out of his paw as carefully as I could and kept him in my arms as I walked out to Tommy's car. We all got a little wet, but a little water never hurt anybody, right?

The trip to Cassidy's place was silent except for the occasional whimper from Snickers. He wanted to make sure I was alright, since I was the one who always took care of him. In a way, I really had become his daddy. Adam was supposed to be his daddy too… but they way he's been acting; he isn't responsible enough to take care of anything right now... Before I even knew what happened or how it happened, we were at Cassidy's and Tommy was pulling me out of the car.

"Shit, Drake what the hell happened to you? How did that bruise come back?" Cassidy asked the minute he answered the door. His tone and his face were coated in concern. He ushered us inside and Brad rushed to me as well, saying something along the same lines as Cassidy had. "Drake… what on Earth is going on here?" Cassidy asked after Brad's mini rant.

"Adam…" I mumbled and all three of them gave me a strange look. I knew what they were going to ask and I had an answer before they could even spoke. "Adam hit me… He's been, I don't know. He's been a lot different lately and I'm scared. He's hit me twice since he got home. He just shoved me into the dinning room table… And he-"

"He what? Drake, you can't really expect us to believe that Adam was the one who gave you that giant bruise? Adam's a sweetheart. He loves you. He wouldn't do something like that," Brad said with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked one-hundred percent sure of himself and I had no doubt that he didn't believe me for one second.

"Drake…" Cassidy started, seeming a little uncertain but not nearly as doubtful of me as Brad had been. "I… I know you're probably a little bitter at Adam for leaving you for so long to tour, and then the kissing with Tommy on stage probably didn't help anything, but he does love you… He wouldn't hurt you like that, would he? Is this some sort of cry for attention?"

I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Brad just didn't believe me, period and Cassidy thought I was making extreme things up because I'd been alone for so long? The pressure of tears began to build in the ducts of my eyes. "What would I possibly get out of making up stories about my boyfriend?" I asked, being careful not to shout at my so called friends. I knew they wouldn't take this easily but I never thought they would just flat out call me a liar.

"Drake… we know it's hard, okay? Adam leaving you and all but he does love you… You don't need to go to such desperate attempts for attention," Brad said, frowning deeply at me. He didn't understand because they dated before we started dating, and while they weren't in love, they did have a fantastic relationship. It didn't occur to him that Adam might have changed since then and honestly if I was him, I probably wouldn't believe Adam could ever be abusive either.

That didn't stop the pain from being accused of lying, especially about something so serious. I looked over my friends' faces, ending with Tommy's. He looked a little more sympathetic but he didn't stand up for me. "I'm not making something up. I'm not bitter about Adam leaving or him making out with Tommy every single night. I need help and I'm scared, but if you really don't believe me then fine, whatever…" I said, almost slipping into a monotone. I wanted to cry, and when I turned on me heels, walking out of the house with Snickers, I did. Tears were joined by rain drops on my face and Snickers cuddled into my arms, trying to protect himself from the rain. The rain didn't bother me though. Now it was almost like my only comfort as I started down the street. I didn't know where to go, or what to do now that my friends had shot me out of the sky.

"Drake! Wait!" It was Tommy. "Drake, stop." His feet splashed through puddles as he ran up to me. "Drake…" He put a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to stop. For someone so tiny, he sure was strong… "What else did he do to you? Brad cut you off before you could finish… Drake, what's going on between you two?"

"Adam… Everything with Adam. Ever since he got home he's been on edge. The first night was fine, but when he came to the coffee shop the next day, he tried to have sex with me in the lounge. I told him no and he seemed really… upset by it…" I muttered, having a hard time keeping my tears from affecting my speech.

Tommy bit his lip at that. "Is that when it started…? The abuse, I mean?" he asked quietly. I couldn't do anything but nod. The tears just wouldn't start. "Adam asked me out at one of our after parties… He was drunk, but he seemed really upset by my refusal. I didn't think it mattered when I saw how happy he was to be back with you but now I'm not entirely sure what's going on with him…"

My heart plummeted from my chest, falling through my rib cage and stomach, slipping right into Hell. Adam, my boyfriend, asked Tommy out while we were still dating? Sobs wracked my whole body and I squeezed Snickers a bit tighter, earning a whimper from the pup. "Drake…"

"Don't Tommy! Just stop!" I shouted, spinning on my heels to face him. "Adam hit me, he shoved me into a table and he _forced me to have sex with him_ all because he's stuck with me? Because _you_ said no? No wonder he's being so awful! He doesn't even want me anymore. He's just with me because I'm there and that's all he can get at the moment! He doesn't even love me anymore! He raped me and nobody believes me. Am I supposed just accept that my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore and my friends think I'm a liar? Without Adam and you guys, I don't have anything but this dog! I don't have family that cares. I don't have friends outside of this group. Now I'm actually finding out that Adam is with me because he can't have you?" My sobbing was causing stir and stuttering in my speech, but I just didn't care.

"Drake… that's not true…" he muttered, practically speechless. He had no idea what to say, and really? There was nothing to say. Not after what I'd just learned.

"Obviously it is true," I said, turning away from Tommy again. I took off down the street, my clothes soaking completely in the rain. My boots splashed up water around my legs and hips and I was chilled to the bone, but I didn't care. My entire world was shattering around me and I had absolute no control over any of it. I had to sit back and watch my world crumble into a million pieces. I could hear Tommy calling after me but I didn't stop running. I didn't stop until I got back to the condo. Adam's care still wasn't there and I almost didn't expect him to come home at all that night.

I set Snickers down, making sure he wasn't by any of the broken glass, and then went down to mine and Adam's bedroom. I pulled a small duffel bag out of the closet and started stuffing it full of skinny jeans and tee-shirts, along with a few personal things I wouldn't want to leave. I was afraid to stay here and wait for Adam to come home. I had no idea where I'd got. I'd have to get a hotel room for tonight or something, but later I'd need to get my own apartment if it came to that. I really wished it didn't ever come to something that awful, but I had no idea what to expect anymore.

Once I got as much as I could packed into the bag, I zipped it up and went out into the living room. Snickers was sitting next to the couch, his ears sticking straight up and he was staring at the front door. The click sounded and the door creaked open. Adam stood there, his eyes like fire, though they were the color of ice. Thank you Robert Frost.

The sight of me holding a packed bag made Adam's eyes blaze like some sort of demonic presence. "Where are you going?" he snapped and I dropped the duffel bag, backing away from Adam as he stalked into the room. Snickers whimpered and ran to some place unseen, probably to hide from Adam. Suddenly, I envied the puppy's ability to hide somewhere unknown. I wished, at that moment, that I could do the same.

"I think it would be best if I left for tonight…" I mumbled, my back suddenly hitting a wall. I had no where to go and Adam closed the distance between us quicker than I could even imagine possible. "Adam…" He grabbed my wrists, pinning me into the wall.

"Drake, you aren't going anywhere. _You can't leave,_" he hissed at me, pinning me painfully to the wall. I wanted to scream but I was almost too afraid of what would happen to me if I did.


	8. So Many Times I've Lied

**Chapter Eight: So many times I've lied (I won't show mercy on you now)**

**Adam's POV**

Rain was coming down in masses and I kept on driving. I drove from my side of Los Angeles to the other, before screeching to a stop in the middle of nowhere. My heart was pounding in my chest and there were tears trailing down my face. What was I doing? What was I thinking? Just fucking that, I wasn't! So I went back on something I'd promised Drake I would never ever do again. I had no doubt in my mind that he wasn't going to be happy. He was probably going to hate me, he'd be scared of me. He probably wouldn't forgive me. Probably wouldn't want to be near me…

Oh God… What had I done? I'd fucked up. I hit him and now I was going to lose him. Something in my gut was just… Throbbing. More tears trailed down my face and I rested my head on the steering wheel. I'd killed the engine to save the battery, among other things. My hands were shaking on the edges of the wheel as tears fell like their own personal rain drops onto the leather and the floor of my car. I choked, sobbing loudly. I sounded pathetic, but I didn't give a damn. I was alone. I could be as loud as I wanted.

I clenched my teeth, inhaling sharply before coughing a little. Fuck. I'd messed everything up. And I couldn't… I couldn't afford to lose Drake. I'd never told him, because I didn't think it would be best, but during Glam Nation I'd gotten super drunk at one point… And I'd ask Tommy to really be mine. I wanted him. You would have too, that fucking boy is such a tease sometimes. But he'd rejected me. Told me I was with Drake. And, yeah, I was hurt for rejection. But I was even more hurt, afterwards, by the fact that I was trying to cheat on Drake. With my straight bass player.

I coughed again, sobbing for only the universe knew how much longer before the chest clenching sobs and tears ceased. I calmed down, only sniffling here and there. I sat up, wiping my face off on the sleeve of my coat before resting against my seat. I needed to go back home. I needed to talk to Drake, apologize profusely. I needed to make things right and keep them right. My hands tingled from hitting and shoving him, and I wished for a moment that, by some force, I'd taken the blow instead of Drake. Fuck, I deserved it. I probably needed it too…

I reached over, turning the keys and starting the engine when my phone buzzed on the seat beside me. I glanced over at it, before sighing softly and grabbing it. It was Tommy. I frowned again before answering the call and pressing the floor to my hear. "Hello?"

"You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?" Tommy shouted at me. I winced, feeling my heart rate escalating again, this time pounding in my throat. I held the phone to my ear, my right hand clenching the wheel just a little bit tighter than before as I stared blankly at the dashboard of the car.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him softly.

"Drake told me you've hit him," my heart stopped completely, "and that you've apparently forced him to have sex? What the fuck is going on, Adam?" My hand tightened around the wheel even more, and my grip on the cell clenched too. I bit down on my tongue for a moment, closing my eyes and trying to calm down. I never thought he would _tell_ anybody. I'd thought that, maybe, we could work this out ourselves. That we _had _worked it out. But I was wrong. And burning hot rage was pulsing through my body…

"Adam, if this is retaliation because I rejected you, then it's gotta fucking stop. Drake thinks that he's just your little fuck toy because of me…" I was barely listening at that point.

"I need to go," I told him.

"No, Adam. We're gonna talk and we're gonna fucking talk right now—" I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up, tossing it back onto the seat beside me. There was a moment as I turned my car around and sped down the streets back towards my condo, and Tommy was trying to call me again. But I ignored it. I needed to get home. My heart was thrashing and my knuckles were turning white from how tightly I was gripping the wheel. My jaw was clenched firmly into a frown, and I'm sure I barely breathed the entire drive. I know I didn't blink.

I swerved in and out of lanes and cars that I passed, receiving angry honks. But I didn't care. I was set to go to one place, and God_ fucking _damnit, I was going to get there. My jaw began to ache and my fingers were turning cold by the time I reached my neighborhood. Tommy kept calling me. I kept ignoring him. I didn't want to talk to him. I needed to get back to the condo. I needed to talk to Drake.

I spun the wheel fast, the tires squealing on wet pavement as I roared down the street, screeching to a halt. I didn't park under the small cover. I had no desire to. I killed the engine, abandoning my phone as I missed a sixth call from Tommy. I slammed the door shut, stalking through the rain up to the condo. Between the distance of my car and the door, I was soaking and rain was dripping off the ends of my hair. I gripped the knob, turning it and pushing the door open, revealing the living room.

Snickers was sitting on the couch, his ears perked up and his eyes wide. There was a dead silence as I turned my head, seeing Drake. My heart melted, and I was glad he was home. But he was holding a stuffed duffel back, and my melted heart re-formed itself before shattering and burning. My jaw clenched again and I glared as he dropped the bag suddenly, staring wide-eyed in fear at me. "Where are you going?" I hissed at him, trying to be as calm as possible. He couldn't leave… Snickers whimpered and scurried off the couch to hide as Drake backed away. I stormed into the living room, watching as his back was pressed into the wall of the living room.

"I think it would be best if I left here for tonight…" He mumbled, and I slid up beside him, pinning his wrists to the wall and leaning in close. "Adam…" Fear trembled off his voice, and he looked so small staring up at me. My heart was blocking my throat and my voice sounded strangled with anger.

"Drake, you aren't going anywhere. _You can't leave…_" I emphasized, squeezing his wrists tighter. His mouth dropped in a gasp and he clenched his eyes shut for a moment. My heart was telling me to let go of him. Couldn't I see that I was hurting him? No… I couldn't. I was too blinded by anger that he would go and tell when we could work it out ourselves. And I was blinded by the fact that he was leaving. He couldn't leave. We could still work it out if he would just give that notion a chance. But he didn't want to.

I couldn't lose him. I can handle rejection once or twice. But not a third time.

"Adam, please, let _go_ of me…" He whimpered, but I only squeezed his wrists tighter. He shied away, whimpering more. Why was he acting so _afraid?_

"No." I hissed. He stared at me for a moment before using his entire body and shoving me. Caught off-guard, I stumbled, letting go of him. He ducked under my arm, dashing forward towards the living room. I turned, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him back to me. His shoe slipped on the hardwood floor, and he fell, landing flat on his back and bouncing a little. He cried out once, arching in pain as I knelt down beside him. He growled, swinging and punching me in the gut. An _oomph_ left my lips, and I slapped him across the face, my vision blurred at the edges in red.

"Bitch!" I shouted, grabbing him by the shirt again and hauling him to his feet before shoving him against a wall. His elbow collided first and he howled, his face twisted into a mask of pain as he cradled his arm weakly against his tiny body. I snaked up beside him, pressing my hips against his as my lips latched onto the side of his neck. He needed to remember that I loved him…

"Adam, stop!" He shoved me a little and I bit down, instantly bruising his skin. I growled, back handing the other side of his face. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as my palm curled around his throat, my thumb pressed over the curve of his jaw. He squeezed his eyes shut as I leaned forward, shoving my tongue between his teeth. He moaned, shoving against me again. But I didn't budge this time. My hands gripped his hips tightly through his jeans, and I pressed myself as close as I could to him, sandwiching him between my body and the wall.

His palms slammed into my chest and I stumbled again. He shoved me a second time before turning and bolting for the door again. I growled, regaining my footing and chasing him across the living room. He reached for the doorknob when my hands clenched around his shoulders, and I drove him into the wood of the door, his back to me. His head bounced off the door as my hands wrapped around his waist, quickly undoing the button and zipper. My fingers curled into the waistband and I pulled down, letting the pants remain around his lower thighs.

"Adam, _stop it!_" He screamed at me. But I wasn't listening. I was beyond thinking at that point. I held him against the door with half of my body while I struggled to get my own fly undone. I didn't bother pulling the jeans down, I just pulled myself from them. I wrapped my hand around the base, pressing the head between his cheeks. He whimpered, shaking and mumbling.

"Adam, please… Please, don't…" He said, shaking and beginning to cry. I slid my hand into his short hair, pulling his head back and marking the side of his neck as I rolled my hips, thrusting deeply into him. It was tight; too much so. Drake let out a scream that sent shivers down my spine. Good kitten… God, I loved hearing him screaming…

"No! Adam, stop!" I growled again, letting go of his hair and cupping my palm over his mouth. I could feel tears tracking under and over my fingers as I squeezed his right hip, slamming quickly into him. I was barely erect, but with every thrust I got harder. And in getting harder, Drake stretched out even more. And the more he stretched, the louder and harder he screamed into my hand. I dipped my head into the crook of his neck, breathing hard as each thrust pounded into that spot inside of him.

There was an occasional moan that was muffled, but most were screams. He was trying to talk to me, but I couldn't understand. Even if I wasn't covering his mouth, his words would have gone in one ear and out the other anyway. Sweat was pooling in my hair line and sliding down the back of my neck and I could feel fire building in my stomach. Drake stopped screaming, but he was still making noises. I couldn't tell what it was exactly, but it didn't matter to me.

My thrusts became erratic as I neared my end. I bit down on Drake's shoulder, my teeth sinking in deep as I hit the same, sweet spot within him before white flashed over my eyes and my body convulsed against him. The rush of coming into him left me a little dizzy, and I moaned, unclenching my jaw and letting go of his shoulder. I gasped for air, feeling his body shaking beneath mine as I pulled out of him. His knees trembled a little and he stumbled forward, leaning against the wall. I inhaled deeply, fixing my pants. I stepped forward, trailing my fingers over his pants and pulling them back up for him before kissing the back of his neck.

Drake turned and slapped me across the face, tears staining his cheeks. I swallowed the lump of anger, grabbing him by the throat and kissing him hard again. How dare he? _How dare he?_ His nails dug into my hand and he scratched the skin on the back, creating welts that surfaced with warm blood. I hissed, turning and shoving him down to the floor. He landed first on his butt before his head hit the wood, and he bounced. His eyes slipped shut as his body went limp.

I stared at him for a moment before a strangled yelp caught my attention. I looked towards the dining room, seeing Snickers staring across the floor at Drake. His face look pained and sad, and he yelped again before whining quietly. I frowned after a moment, inhaling slowly and looking back to Drake. He hadn't moved; flat on his back with arms sprawled at his sides and head turned to the left. I blinked once, watching him closely. He didn't seem to be breathing, either. My expression fell, my heart stopped, my breath hitched— shock, pretty much, enveloped my entire being.

I'd been so blinded… So… Desperate…

"Drake?" I whispered, falling to my knees beside him. Snickers barked, scampering over towards me and Drake. He pressed his nose into Drake' hair, licking his face and whining, barking again. "Drake?" I shouted.

Nothing.

I stood up quickly as Snickers nestled against the inside of Drake's left arm, his head resting on Drake's chest. I didn't know what to do… I didn't know who to ca— call. My phone. I turned, ripping the door open and racing out of the condo towards my car. Rain splashed down on me as I pulled the door open, grabbing my phone. Eighteen missed calls. I ignored them. My hands were shaking as I tried to think of who to call. But I didn't want to talk. I wanted to help but I couldn't… I slumped onto the sidewalk, leaning against the door and closing it with my back.

My fingers dialed a number; familiar. I held it to my ear, waiting. My heart seemed cold in my chest. I stared blankly ahead of me as Tommy's voice shouted in my ear. He was asking questions and demanding answers before asking if I was still on the line with him. His voice went from angered to confused to scared as he repeated my name over and over, along with various other things.

"Adam, _what happened?_" He shouted. I blinked as the rain soaked through my clothes, chilling me to the bone.

"I fucked up." I told him, my voice flat.

"What do you mean?"

"He won't wake up…" I dropped the phone, uncaring that, with the rain and the smashing against the concrete, it would never work again.

I wanted to die. What… No. I knew the what.

It was the "why?"…

And the "how could I?" that haunted me.


	9. When Your World Crashes Down Around You

**Chapter Nine: And When Your World Crashes Down Around You…****  
****Tommy's POV**

Adam's call scared me. It scared the shit out of me because I could only assume he meant Drake wouldn't wake up, but he didn't give me any details. The line when dead, leaving me shaking were I was standing. I was half way home, but I came to a halt, doing a quick (and illegal) U-turn.

I tried Adam's phone once more but it when straight to voicemail, so I tried Drake's. No answer. Fuck! I finally decided to call Cassidy. They were going to have to believe what Drake had said now, and we needed to get him help if he was in as bad of a condition as I thought he was. Cass answered on the third ring and I let out a sigh of relief. "Tommy? What's going on? The way you bolted out of here…"

"Cass, everything Drake told us was true. Adam just called me and told me he "fucked up". He says Drake won't wake up. I'm scared. I think he could be seriously hurt… We need to get their condo and make sure he's alright. I'm driving there right now," I said almost tripping over every word I was talking so fast. I heard Cassidy gasp on the other end of the line and he quickly muttered to who I could only assume to be Brad.

"Alright, we're on our way over… God, I hope Drake's alright. I'll never forgive myself if something bad happened to him…" he muttered into the phone and the line went dead. I dropped my phone onto the passenger's seat and sped through the streets of LA. Even speeding fifteen miles over the limit, it took me ten minutes to get to the apartment. Please, whatever higher power there is, don't let it be too late!

Adam's care was no where to be seen, but I wasn't worried about him right now. I was worried about Drake and if he was ever still alive. Jumping out of my car, I ran up to the condo's front door and ripped it open. "Drake? Drake are you home?" I shouted, stumbling into the apartment. I didn't have to go too far to find Drake, sprawled on the floor with his small puppy curled up beside him, whimpering in fear for Drake. "Oh shit… Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

I left my phone in the car but it didn't matter because a minute later, Cassidy and Brad came into the room. "Cass, call an ambulance, okay? Drake won't wake up and he needs help," I muttered, trying to keep myself calm, though I was very much aware that Drake may never wake up if this was bad enough. Cass looked horrified at the sight of Drake but he did manage to get his phone out and call 911. Brad, on the other hand, grew pale and looked like he might be sick.

Brad collapsed onto his knees next to Drake. He had been so sure Drake was making up stories about Adam… He was probably killing himself for not listening now. "Oh my god… Oh fucking God!" he exclaimed, tears coming to the corners of his eyes. Fingers of Brad's right hand trailed gently through Drake's hair. "Damn it… I can't believe Adam would do something like this… It's so awful… Why didn't we just listen to Drake in the first place?" It was obvious that Brad was already beating himself up over the fact that he never listened to Drake's claims of being abused by Adam. I didn't know what the fuck was happening to Adam, but I prayed to the Higher Power that it wasn't because of my refusal to him… That would make me feel even worse.

"Brad… Don't beat yourself up. I didn't believe him either, Cheeks," Cassidy muttered, kneeling down next to Brad with his hands on the brown haired man's shoulders. "We're going to do everything we can to help Drake now, okay? But we can't have a break down yet," he continued, pushing his phone into his back pocket before returning his hand to Brad's shoulder.

"Cass is right. We can't beat ourselves up right now. Right now we need to take care of Drake. We'll worry about our own grief later," I said. Sirens could be heard in the distance, and if there was any mercy in this world, it would be an ambulance for Drake. But, it was LA and all sorts of horrible tragedy happened here. Most people just didn't know about it or didn't care when it happened, sadly.

Tonight, there was mercy for one person. Only moments after the sirens could first be heard (hey, they were fucking loud, okay?), there was a knock at the door, then two medics pushed their way in with a stretcher. One medic started to look over Drake to make sure he was stable enough to be moved. The other addressed the three of us. "Can any of you tell us what happened?" he asked and Snickers barked behind him. The other medic had gotten Drake onto a stretcher with little difficult. Drake was small and thin, so most people could carry him without a problem. Snickers wasn't happy about it though. He was barking at the medic, trying to get him away from Drake. Drake was his daddy and he just wanted to protect him from any other danger because he wasn't able to protect his daddy from Adam.

"Shh, Snickers, it's alright," I muttered, picking the little puppy up. "They just want to help Drake, okay?" I scratched behind his ears, cradling him against my chest as the medic pushed Drake out to the ambulance. "We aren't entirely sure what happened… We weren't here but we do know that he got into a fight with his boyfriend…" I glanced at the others. None of us wanted to get Adam in trouble, but it was now apparent that he was only going to escalate in anger and violence if we did nothing. "Adam Lambert… There might be a chance that Drake was raped…" he muttered. Adam had raped Drake once as far as I knew. What would stop him from doing it again if he was angry enough?

Worry creased the medic's face. "Well… once we make sure he's stable, we'll do a rape kit," he muttered. "One of you can ride with him. But the other two will have to drive," he continued, then turned and followed after the first medic.

Brad and Cassidy both looked at me. "You should go with him, Tommy. You're the only one who believed him when he said Adam was abusing him. You should be there for him. We'll follow you there, and take Snickers." I nodded slowly, handing the puppy to Brad and then bolted out of the apartment to get into the ambulance. Drake was lying motionless on the stretcher. He was now hooked up to an IV and had an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth.

"Is he… is he going to be alright?" I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer, but I had to know if my friend was going to die. And if my friend died, it would mean another one of my friends was a murder.

"We aren't entirely sure… We don't think he's going to die or anything, but he was lacking oxygen from the blow to his head. We aren't sure if that caused a lot of damage or not, but he is breathing now and he is alive," one medic said, not looking up from Drake. He was trained to take care of the patient and keep them alive and that is exactly what he was doing. Good job Sir. I congratulate you on a job well done.

We reached the hospital within ten minutes and Drake was wheeled away, leaving me alone in the waiting room, worry written in my face and my eyes. I was scared for Drake, and when Cassidy came to join me with Brad, I could tell that they were even more worried than I was. Probably because they were blaming themselves for what had happened to Drake. We talked for hours, trying to keep silence away. With silence came discomfort. With discomfort came wandering minds and wondering minds brought even worse thoughts to one's head in a bad situation. We tried to distract each other and comfort one another as friends were supposed to. Eventually a man in a white lab coat came out.

"Hello, I'm doctor Clive. You're hear waiting for Drake LaBry?" he asked. We all nodded, looking grim. "He's stable. We aren't going to know if there has been any brain damage until he wakes up but things are looking good for him. We did, however do a rape kit… We sent it to our lab to be sure, but we are sure he's been raped… Or at least he's had sex within the last twenty four hours. We're leaning towards the rape though…" The three of us glanced at each other. None of us could believe what was happening here. The doctor just told us Drake might have brain damage and that he's been raped by one of our closest friends. How we supposed to deal with all this, exactly?

"Can we see him?" I was completely shocked at who asked this. It was Brad and he looked determined. The doctor hesitated but eventually agreed and he took us up to Drake's room. On a white sheet covered bed, Drake's body lay still with tubes coming out from his body every which way. He was hooked up to several machines and an IV. I wasn't actually sure what any of the machines were doing, but I knew that they were helping him live while his body tried to recover.

"Fuck…" Cassidy mumbled, walking over to the side of Drake's bed. "What are we going to do about Adam? If he really did this to Drake, something needs to be done about him. I don't want Adam to go to jail but he's dangerous… I don't know what's going on with him, but something has to be done about it."

A sigh rolled off my tongue. I was tired and I wanted to sleep, though I was far too concerned for Drake to actually sleep. He needed support right now, and even if no one else would give it to him, I would. "We're going to have to let Drake decide if he wants to press charges. Either way, Adam's in trouble. It depends on Drake for what happens to him…" I mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking one of Drake's hands gently in my own. No, I wasn't gay. I loved girls. I loved sleeping with girls and I loved they way they tastes in my mouth but I could appreciate beauty in a man. I did with Adam all the time on Glam Nation. Why do you think I let him make out with me almost every single night? Now I could see Drake's beauty as well. He was young, small and elegant, and right now he merely looked like he was in a peaceful slumber. If you could ignore all the tubes and machines, that is.

"I can't believe we flat out told Drake he was lying to us when he came to us for help. He needed our help and we just turned him away…" Cassidy muttered, feeling sorry for himself and the rest of us. We all felt like that, though I never thought Drake was lying about what he told us. I knew he would never make something like that up. He even tried to work things out with Adam before telling anyone what was going on because he just loved Adam that much. Adam was Drake's whole world, and he no longer had that reason to live. I hoped Drake wouldn't get desperate once he woke up.

"There's no use in dwelling on that now…" I mumbled, squeezing Drake's hand in mine. "Please wake up, Drake… Please…"

About a week went by with Drake in the hospital. He woke up his third day there but the doctors wouldn't allow him to leave for another four days. I'd spent most of my free time (which was a lot) with Drake at the hospital. I told him Adam had been taken into custody by the police. The semen in Drake's rape kit had matched Adam's and there was no doubt in anyone's mind that Adam raped him and was responsible for Drake hitting his head on the floor.

Drake told me everything that happened to him that night. Adam had actually hit his head a few times before the final blow. He took three hard hits to the head as well as the un-bruised cheek, his hips and most of his body. Adam had pushed him up against the condo door when he was trying to get away and pushed his pants down, forcing himself into Drake. So Adam had hit Drake three times, shoved him a countless amount of times and raped him twice.

Drake was released today and I took him back to my apartment to stay with me. I knew he would never be able to handle living in the condo where he took so much abuse, so Cass, Brad and I took all of his things to my guest room and I let him move in with Snickers (who I had been taking care of while Drake was in the hospital).

He was in his room resting. Event though he'd been released from the hospital, he still had a lot to recover from. I knocked lightly on his door, assuming that he wasn't awake. "Drake?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking over at me as I walked through the door. Snickers was curled up in a little ball on Drake's chest. The puppy's head was pressing into Drake's slightly bruised cheek. Snickers missed Drake so much and now he wouldn't leave his side.

"How you feeling?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of the large bed.

He sighed deeply. "Well… I've been better…" he mumbled. I knew he was miserable and I hated to see him like this.

"I just wanted to let you know that Adam's sentence hearing has been scheduled for a week from today. You don't need to go if you don't want to, but if the jury hears what you want to happen to Adam, it will influence their decision a lot… I just wanted to let you know about that and to see if you're hungry or need anything." I could see the tears forming in Drake's brown eyes and he shook his head. "Alright, then I'll leave you to rest, alright?" He nodded, one tear slipping down his cheek and he turned away from me, wrapping his arms around Snickers.


	10. I Can't Blame You For The Things You Say

Last chapter, babies. The sequel will be called "Time For Miracles". **  


* * *

Chapter Ten: I can't blame you for the things you say**

**Adam's POV**

My hearing came sooner than I thought it would have.

I had dressed simply; black pants, black jacket, dark blue shirt, black tie, black shoes. No makeup. No gel or anything in the hair. The only jewelry I wore was my earrings. I'd sat in my car for the longest time before driving to the courthouse. I parked in a shady spot, right beside the officers who were to escort me inside without being seen. I stepped out, closing and locking the door and following them as they walked on either side of me. As promised, I wasn't seen. Media didn't snap a picture, fans didn't freak. I was like a shadow.

The hallways were long and they guided me into a different section of the building, down another hallway before pushing open a set of two, large double doors. They brought me into the court room, our footsteps echoing on the hardwood floors and high ceilings. The room, in and of itself, was huge; rows of benches on either side of me as I walked, two tables in front of a set of wooden guard rails. Then the judge's seat at the bench, and the jury stand off to the right. Hardwoods, the American flag, giant windows, the whole shebang.

I couldn't believe how many people were sitting in the stands. There was no jury, mind you. My fate would result from the testimonies of people who were my friends and acquaintances. I was thankful my family wasn't involved in this. They would be so ashamed. However, the judge would ultimately decide where I would go and how long I would be away. I really didn't see faces at all, though. It was just a giant blob of people. All except for one. Drake; he was sitting in the front row of benches on my right side. I could still see the faint outline of a bruise on the cheek that was facing me, though I was sure I was only imagining it because they should have healed nicely in the two weeks I hadn't seen him.

Drake didn't look at me as I walked past, but I couldn't stop looking at him. My heart was stuck in my throat and I couldn't breathe for a second. I had spent the last two weeks torturing myself with the image of Drake, laying on the floor, limp and seemingly lifeless. Nobody told me if he was dead or alive, but at least I now know I wasn't going to be put in jail for a murder charge on top of everything else now. I still wondered _why and how could I do that to him?_ And I was wracking my brain for that information. I tried piecing it together in my mind. He'd refused me for sex and after I'd hit him, he was leaving. Really, I had no excuse for hurting him so badly, _so why had I done it?_

I love Drake. I really, really do. Why would I hurt him so badly? Tommy had accused me of retaliating because of his rejection. Yeah, that hurt, but I did love Drake, so why would it affect me so badly? I wanted to just drop to my knees and say how sorry I was and that I would take any punishment they threw at me, because I knew I deserved the worst. I'd beaten and raped the man I love… The last two weeks made me understand what I'd done in full but not the why I'd done it. I still didn't have that answer.

One police officer pushed me down into the defendant chair and took a few steps back. That annoyed me, that they were keeping such close tabs on me. I suppose I can't really blame them though… A side door opened and a woman with brown hair and blue eyes wearing black robe entered with a file in her hands, glasses on her face. Everyone rose for the judge and then we were all seated once again. "How do you plead?" the judge asked me, and I stood up again. My attorney, elderly man with dull brown eyes, was about to say 'not guilty, your honor', but I knew I was guilty.

Yeah, I've seen all of the law shows and movies; I get the basic idea of it. I know you're usually supposed to say not guilty even if you are, for sure, guilty. If you plead not guilty, there is always a chance you can get out with no charges or jail time. All charges dropped, as the courts would say. But that didn't interest me in the least, because I deserve to be punished for what I'd done to the man I love so dearly.

"Guilty, your honor," I said, and almost everyone gasped. I looked at Drake again, but he kept his head low. His hair had grown out just enough to keep his eyes shielded from me, but I was sure he was already on the verge of crying. Drake…

A year ago, we were the perfect, happy couple. Then I'd kissed Tommy on the AMAs and went on tour. Things were never going to be the same and I wish I'd realized that before. I could have done so many things differently; like take Drake with me on tour, so I wasn't desperate enough to go after my fucking straight bass player. I could have taken him with me so he wouldn't have felt so abandoned and alone… My attorney (who I told the court I didn't even want) nudged me in the side and I glared at him. "I said 'guilty'," I told him sternly.

Now, it was just up to the testimonies for what was going to happen to me. I wasn't sure how many people would speak, if any at all, but I didn't care. I deserved a horrid punishment and that's what the judge would give me if nobody would speak on my behalf. The only person I thought would make any impact was Drake, and I was certain he wouldn't speak for me. He shouldn't. Not after all the horrible things I've done to him.

"Alright then, what are the charges?" The judge asked after she pushed her glasses further up her nose, her blue eyes staring across to the bailiff who was standing near the bench. The bailiff eyed me once before reading from the paper in his hands, his voice cutting through me like a hot knife.

"The defendant has been charged with multiple accounts of assault, two accounts of rape, and attempted murder, Your Honor." I winced, inhaling sharply and keeping my head down. I looked over at Drake from the corner of my eye. He hadn't moved a muscle. I wanted so badly to hold him and kiss him and apologize for everything that I had done and said to him, but I knew that wouldn't make a damned difference in the world. I had to pay. And I was going to.

"If anyone wishes to speak on behalf of Mr. Lambert, please do it now," the judge said before waiting for anyone to stand. I kept my focus forward. I wasn't sure if anyone would stand, and I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to stand. I inhaled slowly, wanting to curl into a ball and ignore all of this. I deserved to be here but I didn't want to be. I looked over at Drake again; his head was still bent. I looked away again, my heart pounding in my chest as I looked up at the judge, who was scanning the room.

"Since no one wishes to speak, I sentence Mr. Lambert to five years in the federal prison and when he is released, another two years of house arrest," she raised her gavel when Drake spoke.

"No!" She stopped, looking at him over the frame of her glasses. I turned my attention to Drake, who was staring at her with a fearful expression. My heart cracked a little, and I found it hard to breathe.

"Excuse me, young man?" She asked, blinking once. Drake gripped the wooden guard rail with his hands; I could see his knuckles turning white. He stared down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at her again.

"Listen… I know what Adam did was wrong. And… He deserves… He deserves to face punishment…" I watched him swallow once, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again. Tears were welling in his eyes but he was holding them back. My Babyboo… You don't have to be so strong. I deserve it. I deserve it and more for what I did to you, please don't do this to yourself.

"But a prison sentence is… extreme, Your Honor. Adam needs help, not prison. He's not a bad person. He's just… he's gone through a lot of stress… and— and he needs someone to help him, Your Honor." Drake's voice was soft, broken. I looked away from him, staring at the table in front of me. My attorney was still a little miffed at me, but he seemed to relax little by little the more Drake spoke.

"Are you suggesting that Mr. Lambert undergo therapy instead of a sentencing?" The judge asked after a moment. Drake swallowed again, but he still did not look at me. I didn't blame him. I wouldn't look at me either. Not right now.

"Yes, Your Honor." He said. The judge looked between the two of us. Drake was still on the verge of tears. I wasn't much better. The sting of tears was beginning to burn the ducts of my eyes and I blinked a few times to clear them away. I turned my head back to Drake, and while he was looking up at the judge, he seemed to make it a point not to look at me. I wanted to be upset that he wouldn't spare me a single glance, but… I couldn't. I couldn't. I had no right.

The judge pursed her lips for a moment before exhaling a short breath. "Alright then. Mr. Lambert, you are sentenced to house arrest for two years, in which you will be visited by a psychologist and therapist twice a week. You are not allowed to contact Mr. LaBry in any fashion." She slammed the gavel down on her desk. "Dismissed." She said before standing and gathering her folders before exiting the room. I sighed softly, feeling relief and sadness. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Drake stood from his bench and hurried out, not looking back once. My heart plummeted in my chest as I watched him leave.

I barely took note to Brad or Cassidy looking in my direction, and I didn't even hear them as they said goodbye to be. The police guards escorted me back through the main building and to my car. There were people around outside, and some of them saw me, but none were able to get to me to ask questions before I slipped into my car and pulled out of the spot. I drove through Los Angeles, following one police car while being tailed by another. I didn't think as I drove back to my condo. Of all the places to be locked in for two years…

Great.

I pulled up and parked in my spot. I locked my car and walked up to the front door of my condo before unlocking the door and slipping inside. The officers came inside, talked about the ankle bracelet I would have to wear to make sure that I did not leave my property, and if I did they would be notified within a minute of my exiting the premises. If I was not back on my property in two minutes, the anklet would discharge and send an electric volt through my body that would leave me temporarily paralyzed, yadda, yadda, yadda. In one ear out the other.

They fastened the anklet before the left. My attorney (who'd followed along) discussed with me the best psychologists and therapists in town. I told him I didn't care who he hired, just as long as I fucking got better as a result of this. His face paled a little and he nodded, saying that he'd have someone hired before dark and that I would be visited tomorrow afternoon. He left me in the quiet of my home.

For the longest time, I'd sat on the couch with my hands folded on my lap, and I just stared at the floor. I stared at the floor and I didn't think. Thinking would lead me to Drake, and thinking about Drake would make me upset. I didn't want that. I didn't want to remember all of the things I'd done to him and the pain I'd put him through. But I couldn't help it. I didn't think about the things I'd done to him, I thought about the hearing. What he had said. He said I needed help. That I was under a lot of stress. He could have been quiet and let me rot in prison. But he didn't.

He wanted me to get better… Even after everything I'd done to him since I came home from that God forsaken tour… Drake still cared about me. Whether or not he loved me, I didn't know. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't anymore. But… he still cared. I buried my face in my hands, feeling the tears springing free. I'd been holding them back since the hearing. My shoulders trembled and my body wracked itself with sobs that I'd refused to let out. The only sound in my condo was my heartbroken sobs. I sounded pathetic, really. I sounded very, very pathetic.

When the sobs had stopped, the tears continued. But I stood from the couch, sluggishly moving through the living room, into the dining room and through the kitchen. Every room had a memory that burned me; a memory that I would be replaying in my head for the next two years. I stumbled slowly, pulling open the bedroom door and slinking through the darkness. I peeled my coat off, and my pants. I tugged the tie, slipping it off over my head before unbuttoning my shirt. Everything dropped to the floor.

Down to only my boxers, socks and the anklet that blinked a bright red every few seconds, I pulled the covers back on the bed, slipping under them and pulling them back over my head. Darkness. Cold, too. Fucking silky sheets. I sighed, closing my eyes. But the image of Drake's face haunted me. It wasn't pained. It wasn't broken, bruised, shocked or hurt. It was worse.

My Babyboo was smiling at me in my head. You'll get better, he seemed to say to me.

I want to believe him. I really, really do.


End file.
